Navigate The Ups & Downs Of Personal Transformation (aka It’s Always Darkest Before The Dawn)


Warning: This post unmasks a fallacy we have about personal transformation.

That fallacy is that personal expansion is a process that is positive, upward, linear and rosy. It’s the belief that when we grow and  “get it together,” we no longer vacillate, doubt, contract, or fear.

Now, I know most of us don’t really, literally belief this. We have a wiser part of us that is aware there will always be ups and downs. Still, there is a subtle, pervasive assumption that more personal growth means we should “have it all together” or that we are somehow past certain feelings and experiences (oh, the wealth I would have if I only had a quarter for every time a client said, “I should be over this” or “I thought I’d dealt with this.”).

We have a cultural belief that personal growth has a certain predictable, linear quality to it; that we can move through certain experiences, check them off our growth list and never see them again. This leads us to believe that things are going to get easier as we grow. Feel free to insert a big belly laugh here, because this just isn’t the case.

Obviously, I can’t speak for all of mankind, but I can certainly write about my experience and those of my friends, family and clients.  And what I’m seeing is that the vacillations and challenges actually get bigger as we expand our energetic field and true personal power.  I like to think that God/Life has a great sense of humor and knows that as we grow, we’re looking to surf bigger (not smaller) waves. That’s what good surfers do, right?

Yes, our feelings of inner peace, love and knowing also expand as we grow. But the point is, it’s a ride – a full-bodied pulsing experience of contractions and expansions, not a check list. And only when we allow our body to truly feel the ups and downs that are part of living in this physical world, can we be fully, authentically present.

Life is pulsing and so are we. In the yoga, we call this pulsation “spanda” – the creative pulsation of life; the dynamism of god consciousness as it expresses itself in this phenomenal world.

In every cycle of breath, there is an elegant duality – an inhale and an exhale. The seasons cycle in stunning opposition, flipping from winter to summer, and spring to fall every half year.

When you think about it, our entire life is one big, full-bodied pulsation as we start in the womb of our mother in fetal position, develop into a fully upright adult at some point, and then get older, and start curling back into a fetal type position again. Eventually, of course, we return to the womb of the earth, even if we choose  do so as ashes.

It’s really quite amazing and elegant.  And for me, it’s comforting to know, but not necessarily comforting to experience. The problem for those of us that are not big fans of feeling contracted (who is?!) is that every time we grow and expand mentally, emotionally and spiritually, we first experience contraction and/or fear; a state I like to call “crunchiness.” It’s natural. It’s part of the pulsation. But our assumptions about what expansion “should” look like often stops us from being authentically present to what we are really experiencing.

The video in this post is about this process and how you can reframe your periods of fear and contraction so they can give you more trust, courage and determination on your path. In it, I refer to the way women birth.

When women birth, they give us a great model for birthing anything  — an idea, a business, or even a more expanded version of ourselves.  Check out the video above and learn the one thing almost all women do when they’re done contracting and dialating and ready to push — that is, when they’ve finished the hardest part of the birthing. It will make you rethink the your next big contraction.

Please let me know your experience in the comments section below. I love hearing from you. You teach me so much!

Love, joy, blessings,


p.s. I can work with you personally anywhere in the world via Skype (don’t you just love modern technology?!!). Give yourself the gift of getting your first session with me at half off (just use coupon code: wholenesshalfoff when you purchase a 30 min. or 90 mins. session). I want to help you spread your wings and fly!


  • March 19, 2014

    Thanks Vicki!
    Very insightful video.
    I’ve been experiencing contraction since moving to Los Angeles, yet my intuition has told me stay and move through it. Now I see a greater possibility for myself that’s beginning to manifest.
    Looking forward to more from you!

  • Vicki
    March 19, 2014

    Good for you for listening to your intuition Will. LA is lucky to have you. Love and blessings, Vicki

  • Miguel
    March 19, 2014

    Wow Vicki,

    Great insight. I am very familiar with the concept of contracting and expanding although…it seems like I am always contracting, I guess I am going to give birth to one whopping baby 🙂 I am glad you are enjoying your expansion trip. You look good on the video.


  • Carly
    March 20, 2014

    wow. i cried a few tears after watching that. thank you for putting the video up and reminding me 🙂

  • Zora
    March 20, 2014

    What a wonderful video, Vicki! So warm and encouraging – I so much NEEDED to hear the analogy of a woman giving birth, where it’s right where we are saying…”I Can’t!” that we should give that vast effort, because we are ready to birth something amazing! It’s been a challenging few months, and today in particular was incredibly painful, and of course they happen right when I had THOUGHT I had my new path, new life well on it’s way…I guess there was some more gestation that needed to occur first!

    Thank you SO much, and I send you Love and Blessings too! Namaste!

  • Vicki
    March 20, 2014

    Hi Carly, thanks for commenting. It’s so empowering to share our vulnerability, isn’t it? You’re clearly on path. Keep it up, honey! XOXO, Vicki

  • Vicki
    March 20, 2014

    Hi Miguel, I’ve seen you choose expansion in our work together. Don’t short change yourself, my friend. Yes, good trip. Thanks for commenting! XOXO, Vicki

  • Vicki
    March 20, 2014

    Great insights Zora. Stay on path, Sweetie. It’s birthing… XOXO, Vicki

  • Louise
    March 23, 2014

    I have had a number of contractions lately that when the moments of expansion has happened I have resisted, with excuses. Now a recent one has just past and this time I have decided to step an expand fully, and with that clarity has come and so has my creativity… What a difference, when you decide to surrender and go with the flow… it is time! Thank-you!

  • Vicki
    March 24, 2014

    Right on, Louise, way to go! And thanks for sharing. It’s inspiring. When one of us steps up, we’re all able to step up a little more easily. Love and blessings, Vicki

  • Susan R
    March 29, 2014

    I usually check out your emails/videos right away. For some reason, I didn’t see this one till today. REALLY needed it. In a funk (especially today). Going to view my vision board and try and think positive!
    Thanks Vicki!

  • Vicki
    April 3, 2014

    I love define timing Susan, don’t you? Sending you love and blessings, Vicki

Post a Reply

Copyright Notice  |   Contact Us  |   Privacy  |   Terms of Use  |   Disclaimer
Password Reset
Please enter your e-mail address. You will receive a new password via e-mail.